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George Simmons

What NOT To Say To A Drunk

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Okay, I admit that sometimes my mouth marches a few paces ahead of my brain. I even admit to some degree of mental instability - hence my residing in Minnesota. But I ask - how many of you have ever been angered by someone who crowds, or even crosses over the line in parking lots/spaces? Yeah I thought so...

Our local supermarket has a mmini-mart and a liquor store attached. It also has a deli and when I went there to grab some noontime grub, there was an unexpected empty parking space next to the handicap spaces right near the door of the mini mart. Being lazy when the temps are in single digits (my latest excuse) I decided I'd park there. Problem was, the vehicle on what would become my right was on the line, leaving me a choice of: a) finding another space, :D crowding the offending vehicle, or c) parking over the line on the left and encroaching on the handicap space. I had already rejected option a, and didn't want to cross over the line and have someone come along after the pickup had already gone and look at my Jeep and say "gee, looks like Simmons doesn't know how to park". So that left crowding the offending vehicle. Not a problem - they're the selfish bastards who need to learn how to park, right? Maybe crowding them will help teach them some manners...

As I pulled in, almost exactly centered in MY parking space, I noticed there was someone sitting in the driver's seat of the pickup that was parked stupid. Darn, I thought, no chance of making a point here - looks like he's just sitting there waiting for someone who went inside. Oh well.... So I got out of the Jeep and crossed in front of it going past the pickup on my way to the door of the store. I heard someone yell "HEY YOU" and as I turned around I see this guy crawling out the door of the pickup on the passenger side.

"YEAH, YOU" he hollered as I looked back at him, "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO HERE?" "I'm not TRYING to do anything" I replied, "I'm going inside to get some lunch." "NOT UNTIL YOU MOVE YOUR DAMN JEEP - I CAN'T GET OUT MY DOOR" he said as he took a couple steps toward me. I looked him in his bloodshot eyes and replied "Looks to me like you're already out". The bewildered look on his face was funny as hell as he stopped and looked around and realized he was indeed out of his vehicle. In hindsight, that probably should have been my first clue to just leave him alone.

When all three of his brain cells finally gathered together he got even angrier and bellowed "HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET BACK INSIDE MY TRUCK WITH YOUR JEEP WHERE IT IS?" "Same way you got out" I said. "Either that or you can wait for me to come back out and move out of your way." "AND JUST WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHILE I'M WAITING - STAND HERE AND FREEZE?" Now I was getting hot, too. Since he kept asking me what he was supposed to do I figured it was probably time I told him: "If you don't wanna just stand there like a moron, you could try dancing a jig to keep warm while you're waiting." "I'M NOT DANCING FOR YOU OR ANYONE ELSE, [Foul Language Used]!" "Well in that case, why don't you just SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN ON THE CURB AND LICK YOURSELF 'TIL I COME BACK OUT!" That was when he took a swing at me.

Tell me, in case I ever find myself in this position again... do you think I gave him too many options and he just couldn't work his way through them all? Or was it that maybe he simply doesn't take direction very well?

In any event, he missed by a mile, spun around like the cartoon character he was, and fell flat on his back. (Good thing, too. In that moment when he was moving toward me and cocking his fist and my eyes were beginning to bulge out, he started looking way bigger and way younger than I thought he was at first.) I walked in the door of the mini mart with my heart thumping and one of the clerks said in a perfect deadpan "That didn't go too well, did it?" After we stopped laughing I asked her to get him some help and she said she'd already made the call. Which was about the time the deputy drove up, who seemed to have it under control when I left with my lunch a few minutes later.

I appreciate any advice y'all have...

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You are a better man than me George, I probably would have punched him long before he fell. If he was that drunk, it does not matter if he was bigger or younger than you, I think you could have taken him!:D On the otherside, you were 100% right in what you did.

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Guest Don Gillespie

I would have loved to have seen the jig so the important question here is what did you have a ham sandwich or the BLT? I am still laughing, George Iam glad you walked away and didn't try to help him up so you could pop him because we would miss your remarks to all the posts on here while you were spending quality time in the jailhouse I don't supose they would give you a laptop to comunicate with the rest of us, you gotta love drunks

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George,
You showed a great deal of restraint, more than I would. I am retired Law Enforcement, and would probably have used numerous Law enforcement approved
techniques, and a few not approved, after he swung at me.

I can recall a drunk approaching me once and demanding money, or that he would kick my a** (strong arm robbery- felony). I can still hear the "bong" his head made as it tried to negotiate movement through a metal sign post. He rec'd 6 months in county, along with stitches.

The only thing I can say you might have done incorrectly was to try to rationalize with the drunk.
Never argue or rationalize with idiots or drunks, they just drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

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George Simmons wrote:

Okay,   "Well in that case, why don't you just SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN ON THE CURB AND LICK YOURSELF 'TIL I COME BACK OUT!"  


Love that line! Got to remember that one!!:):):):):):)

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That was rich! It definitely rivals a few posts on the Hayabusa Sport bike forum that i frequent - maybe even better. You know how those bikers can get (I own an 06 Hayabusa)!!

None the less it was a great read. :D:D

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Jim Saul wrote:

you had me rolling from "I even admit to some degree of mental instability - hence my residing in Minnesota."

I, too, resemble that remark.

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Dave Batzdorf wrote:

(I own an 06 Hayabusa)!!

I'm so sorry Dave! check with your city health services, I'm sure they have support groups for that now.. :)


TJ

'82 Yamaha 750 SECA, '96 600E Ninja owner..

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Yeah would have been better with Video. Love Drunk people....

I'm reminded of a friend of mine that I went drinking with where he was trying to get into the club and said to the Bouncer "i'm smarter drunk then you are sober..."

At that point we were asked to leave....

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Guest Don Gillespie

NWSanta wrote:

Yeah would have been better with Video. Love Drunk people....

I'm reminded of a friend of mine that I went drinking with where he was trying to get into the club and said to the Bouncer "i'm smarter drunk then you are sober..."

At that point we were asked to leave....



LMAOROF I think I am going to have to use that line next time I am out with the guys

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